One Unique Creature In The Universal Creation is an Inclusive Wholeness and Who You Already Are... Why Be Insane, Why Be Unreal and Try Hard To Seek More Than You Already Are?
I’M SORRY
by Jeff Foster
Many years ago
when I believed that I was
“fully enlightened" and
"beyond ego"
(get the joke?)
I had a mantra:
"Never Say Sorry
and Never Apologise"
I believed that I was perfect
Beyond humanity
Beyond reproach
And there was "nobody here",
of course, who could make mistakes
no “separate self” who ever needed
to apologise for anything at all
(since everything is always perfect
and the Universe doesn’t make mistakes)
If anybody ever had a problem with 'me'
If anybody was hurt by something ‘I’ had said or done
It must have been
THEIR projection
THEIR ego
THEIR un-enlightenment
THEIR ignorance
THEIR suffering and illusory separate self
THEIR utter lack of realisation
That's what I believed, anyway
(I also believed that
I had no beliefs anymore!)
I was attracted to "radical" and "uncompromising" spiritual teachers
who acted unkindly and inhumanely
behind the scenes
and never apologised
and never seemed bothered at all
and didn’t feel grief or anger or shame
like the rest of us
and never fell to their knees
to ask for help
How enlightened they appeared to be!
How free of struggle and awkwardness and pain!
How cool and calm and detached!
How unaffected by the shitty mess of life!
How protected from the joys and pains of intimate, messy, awkward, earthy, human relationships!
But, friends, when did saying sorry
and making amends
and listening deeply to the one in front of us
and admitting mistakes
and meeting each other in deep humility and joyful doubt
and embracing shared pain
and weeping together
and confessing raw human truth
and sharing our faults
and undergoing deep and painful therapy and self-reflection
and voicing healthy shame
(yes, HEALTHY shame!)
and saying “I don’t have the answers, I’m as lost as you are, my love”
ever become the Original Sins of enlightenment?
When did spiritual awakening lose its humanity, humility and humour?
When did enlightenment become the ultimate justification for a buried, raging ego?
When did empathy become a dirty word?
Back then, I held ‘others' at a distance
with my refusal to truly engage
(and I claimed that
there were "no others"
with whom to engage)
like a well-trained Advaitically-correct robot
perfectly denying
the perfectly imperfect
human heart
and its perfect longings
and its perfect grief-infused joy
It was a disconnected Oneness
A recognition with no true love
(although I spoke of love)
A fire without warmth or sex or passion
(although I spoke of embodiment)
A half-assed awakening
A sorry
state of affairs
It was a lie,
a myth, a joke, a terrible fraud
And I fell for it all then
And I was younger then
And so it's such a relief
(yes, relief!)
these days
to look into the eyes of a friend,
my partner, a family member,
and to be able to say,
and really, truly mean:
I’M
SORRY.
- Jeff Foster
Many years ago
when I believed that I was
“fully enlightened" and
"beyond ego"
(get the joke?)
I had a mantra:
"Never Say Sorry
and Never Apologise"
I believed that I was perfect
Beyond humanity
Beyond reproach
And there was "nobody here",
of course, who could make mistakes
no “separate self” who ever needed
to apologise for anything at all
(since everything is always perfect
and the Universe doesn’t make mistakes)
If anybody ever had a problem with 'me'
If anybody was hurt by something ‘I’ had said or done
It must have been
THEIR projection
THEIR ego
THEIR un-enlightenment
THEIR ignorance
THEIR suffering and illusory separate self
THEIR utter lack of realisation
That's what I believed, anyway
(I also believed that
I had no beliefs anymore!)
I was attracted to "radical" and "uncompromising" spiritual teachers
who acted unkindly and inhumanely
behind the scenes
and never apologised
and never seemed bothered at all
and didn’t feel grief or anger or shame
like the rest of us
and never fell to their knees
to ask for help
How enlightened they appeared to be!
How free of struggle and awkwardness and pain!
How cool and calm and detached!
How unaffected by the shitty mess of life!
How protected from the joys and pains of intimate, messy, awkward, earthy, human relationships!
But, friends, when did saying sorry
and making amends
and listening deeply to the one in front of us
and admitting mistakes
and meeting each other in deep humility and joyful doubt
and embracing shared pain
and weeping together
and confessing raw human truth
and sharing our faults
and undergoing deep and painful therapy and self-reflection
and voicing healthy shame
(yes, HEALTHY shame!)
and saying “I don’t have the answers, I’m as lost as you are, my love”
ever become the Original Sins of enlightenment?
When did spiritual awakening lose its humanity, humility and humour?
When did enlightenment become the ultimate justification for a buried, raging ego?
When did empathy become a dirty word?
Back then, I held ‘others' at a distance
with my refusal to truly engage
(and I claimed that
there were "no others"
with whom to engage)
like a well-trained Advaitically-correct robot
perfectly denying
the perfectly imperfect
human heart
and its perfect longings
and its perfect grief-infused joy
It was a disconnected Oneness
A recognition with no true love
(although I spoke of love)
A fire without warmth or sex or passion
(although I spoke of embodiment)
A half-assed awakening
A sorry
state of affairs
It was a lie,
a myth, a joke, a terrible fraud
And I fell for it all then
And I was younger then
And so it's such a relief
(yes, relief!)
these days
to look into the eyes of a friend,
my partner, a family member,
and to be able to say,
and really, truly mean:
I’M
SORRY.
- Jeff Foster
"Enlightenment" is a new age myth sold to lost flocks and the lost in living and the lonely and insecure and the gullible as an artificial ascendency promised ONE DAY in the nebulous future.
Waiting for That One (future) Day is to keep you in anxious servitude to a "higher up" who needs you to be playing small, who needs you to pay tithes and undue attention to THEIR neediness of being seen as The Savior of The Lost Souls.
That cult of personality business model serves many patriarchal organizations extremely well, and extremely profitably. And has done for millennium.
That ultra spiritual self help preacher or that self righteous inhumane nasty asshole or that judgmental dogmatic "fellowship" or that "My Way or The Highway" isolated ascetic or that cult of personality self styled abusive guru or that inauthentic culturally appropriated yoga studio dweller who are all re selling you your own birth rite.
Re selling YOU what YOU already are.
Trying hard to extract the fleece and keep you penned in their one dimensional paddocks.
You don't need to be told (or re sold) who you already are.
Which is whole. Already.
Simply by being born.
Wholeness (NOT enlightenment) is the that return to who YOU have always been.
Wholeness (NOT enlightenment) is who YOU already are
Wholeness is simply being ONE creature in creation and no thing else is needed.
Once we get simple and clear and direct.
And remember who we have always been.
